Jumping to Conclusions about Mr. (Ms.) Jenner

Let me start out by stating something that you already know: I'm not your dad  (I guess I should clarify that, unless you are George, Fred, or Will Hickman... I'm not your dad).  You can draw some conclusions from the fact that I'm not your dad, such as 1.) If I wear socks with sandals, its because its in style and not because I'm a nerd who doesn't know about fashion. 2.) All of my jokes are funny. 3.) I can't tell you what to do.  The third conclusion just listed will be especially important for you to remember as I am about to tell you what opinion you should have about someone in pop-culture. People don't like being told what to do...so, I thought I would warn you that it was coming, that way you could choose to click away or move forward with caution.

As I'm not deluding myself into thinking that this blog is read by an extremely wide audience, the focus of my comments are directed toward people with a religious background who might find themselves experiencing strong feelings about the recent coming out of Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair. I'm also not deluding myself into thinking that I am always right (except for when it comes to Saved by the Bell or Lord of the Rings Trivia) and so I can accept and deal with the fact that there might be opinions different than mine...but let me tell you why mine is right. ;)

Let me get this out of the way: Gender identity issues and sexual orientation issues are NOT the same thing. Many people don't make a distinction between these two things and I can assure you that they are very much different.

You might think that you know something about gender identity issues, but I'm pretty sure you don't. That sounded rude...but its less rude if I'm lumping myself into the same category, right? Rude or not, I have had enough experience with issues related to human sexuality to know that MOST people do not have enough working knowledge about gender identity issues to be able to form a reasonable opinion about the subject...myself included. The issues are so varied and complex and so deeply rooted into a person's sense of self, that it is almost impossible to understand on any level the experience unless you personally experience gender identity issues or are personally acquainted with someone experiencing it and have the opportunity to speak very openly and frankly about the subject. With so few transgendered individuals open about their experiences, especially in the religious community, it makes sense that there is so much unknown and misunderstood about the topic.

I have had the amazing and humbling opportunity through my involvement with North Star International over the last 6 months to be introduced and affiliated with several LDS Church members whose experiences with gender identity issues range from quietly and privately coping to very publicly sharing their experiences and I have gained such a greater and deeper understanding of such a complex and involved issue.

Even before we are born, as soon as our gender is identified, some semblance of a life plan is mapped out for us. Imagine, if you can, from the moment you have the ability to recollect memory you feel like you don't fit, like you are out of place in your own body, like something at the very core of your being isn't right. Imagine the confusion and frustration you might feel growing up with these feelings becoming more and more intense as gender roles continue to split further and further apart. The contradiction is much more than just a preference of preferring female clothing over male clothing or enjoying predominately male activities over female...it is a discomfort in your own body, in your identity as a man or a woman.

If you are LDS, none of the typical answers seem to work. With virtually no mention of the issue in scripture, and almost zero direction from modern prophets on the issue (really folks...there is very little), church members with gender identity issues are often left to seek out personal revelation on what to do with these feelings. I recently read an article in which someone (who clearly does not understand the topic very well) cited over and over again the Proclamation on the Family and the importance of gender and the roles played by each. The article insisted that gender dysphoria and transgenderedness was a product of a society that didn't appreciate the importance of these roles. I would argue that few people truly appreciate the importance of gender roles more than a transgendered individual. They KNOW that the roles of a man or a woman are important, that isn't the issue, they just truly do not feel like they belong in their biologically given one.

Lindsay and I had what we feel was a life changing experience at the recent North Star conference to sit in and observe a panel discussion with several transgendered LDS members and another panel of the families and spouses of transgendered individuals. It has been a long time since I have felt the spirit that strong, and the reality is, their experiences were very different from each other's.  Some individuals feel very strongly that their spirit is female, and they have been challenged in this life to be born as a man. Some people feel that this is an earthly experience that will not be with them for eternity. Some individuals dress as their identified gender to attend church meetings, others feel convicted to presenting as their biological gender. These experiences range in their presentation but it was clear that each of them strives to stay close to God, and none of them...I repeat...none of them came to any decisions about the direction that their lives should take lightly.

There has been a lot of conversation about these issues recently with the Vanity Fair story of the transition of Bruce Jenner to Caitlyn Jenner. And frankly, there have been a lot of really ignorant and stupid things said. Like when Mike Huckabee said,

“Now, I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today,’ ” Clearly, this is coming from a person that doesn't understand the issue, who has never spoken to anyone who actually identifies as transgender and taken the time get really get it.

To make the assumption that Bruce Jenner just "didn't like" being a man or that he "preferred femininity" is to discount the complexity of the issue of gender identity incongruence. I feel like anyone that assumes that someone who is transgender is just seeking attention really should seek out more information on the subject (I'll provide a couple of links at the end of this). You may not feel like Caitlyn Jenner should be held up as a hero of any kind, but shouldn't you, as a good person, try to understand why people feel like she is a hero and maybe have some empathy for that cause?

I understand a moral opposition based in religious beliefs to the decision to surgically transition from one gender to another, but I also understand that people who are screaming that opposition from their blogs and websites seem to be doing so with a tone of unkindness that makes me feel like their opinion is more about them than it is about the issue.

In the end, I guess I am not telling you exactly what opinion to have of Caitlyn Jenner (I'm not nearly assertive enough to do that kind of thing). I am however requesting/suggesting/encouraging you to learn more about the issue before you might jump on the bandwagon of making assumptions about the topic and creating opinions about such a complex issue.

I've said it before, and I will say it again. I want people to stand up for what they believe in. Everybody. That is what it means to have integrity. The world is a better place when people have integrity. But "stand up" nicely, and with kindness. You will feel better, and truthfully people will be more inclined to listen.

A couple resources with LDS Interest:
- Journeys of Faith
- TransMormon

Sexual Morality-- You're Doing It Wrong.

Yeah...I employed another cheap blogging trick to lure you in. I made a blanket statement that whatever you are doing is "wrong" so that you would click on the link and angrily try to find an argument about how what you are doing is actually right. This, like pretty much anything else I write about, is one person's (mine...if you couldn't guess) experience and how adopting a new perspective on sexual morality has helped me and hopefully helped several of my clients. There are few things that I would tell anyone they are doing flat out "wrong" unless, of course, what you are doing is creating a list of the top 5 best superheros of all time and you include Batman on your list (you guys, lets stop this charade...Batman is NOT a superhero...he's pretty much just a rich ninja). 

As a therapist on the Wasatch Front of the great state of Utah, you can bet that I have seen my share of clients who have dealt with/are dealing with some type of issue related to sexuality in one form or another. Throw in the fact that I am a gay male, married to a woman, and a member of the LDS Church and what you basically have is all the makings of what might be seen as a sexual time-bomb, ready to cheat on his wife, disgrace the church, and usurp his life's work at any moment. I know there are several people out there sure that I am either in complete psychological denial, or that I am "white-knuckling" every minute fighting off sexual urges and temptations and that some day soon everything's going to fall apart. The truth is, I don't blame anyone that for believing this way, because there was certainly a time in my life when I would have thought the same thing. 

To steal a line from free-minded hippies of the 70s or from a creep trying to use a really awful pick-up line: "Humans are sexual beings." While I do not fit in either of those two categories of people...I agree with the sentiment. Sex is part of the plan people. And yes, I'm saying that vaguely so it can be applied to anyone's "plan." If you are a strict atheist, big-bang theory kinda gal--sex to you is perhaps an natural instinct to ensure the survival of the species...part of the plan. If you are a God-fearing strict creationism kinda guy, sex is a God given drive to create families and connections...its part of your plan too. 

I believe it is vitally important to distinguish the difference between teaching appropriate sexual morality and flat out being scared of sex (to include sexual feelings, thoughts, urges, temptations, etc.). 

As a member of the LDS church (and I would venture to guess that other religions have done this as well), when I think of Sunday school lessons on the topic of sexual purity, I can recall the use of the story of Joseph of Egypt and Potipher's wife. If you are not a religious person and don't know what I'm talking about (hey, we don't discriminate here!) let me recount it for you: 

Basically, Joseph does a lot of really awesome things to go from being sold by his brothers as a slave, to being 2nd in command in Potipher's household (which if I learned anything from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, this house was all kinds of sequence-y!). Potipher's wife, who we assume was not at all bad too look at, started to grow something of a crush on Joseph. Being the powerful bureaucrat's wife she was, she was used to getting what she wanted and she apparently went for it, telling him to "Lie with me" (classy line, Potiphar's wife, classy line). Later, she got a bit more aggressive with her advances and "caught him by his garment" (take a hint sweetie, when you have to grab clothes or do any amount of dragging...probably not a good sign for you). 

I remember as an impressionable youth that the key point of the use of this story was that when she tempted Joseph with an offer of lustful passion he "left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out." I committed that to memory: "sexy lady tries to tempt you, run like hell" (you may be recalling at this moment the aforementioned "gay" quality I possess and you have correctly assumed that this did not seem extremely complicated to me). However, this lesson might be more simply put: "Feeling something sexual? Run like crazy! Leave your clothes behind if you have to!!" 

As well intentioned as this lesson is...I have seen over and over again how this pattern of thinking creates addicts. 

One of the lines that I find myself saying over and over again in therapy is "anytime you attach anxiety to a thought or feeling, you have the potential of making it compulsive." And I speak out loud what is often a familiar thought pattern for a religious young and/or sexually anxious person:

"Whoa, that lady has a nice butt...oh crap, I'm not supposed to be thinking about that, she's a daughter of God not a sexual object!...avert your eyes....Ok, here I am...not thinking about that nice butt...CRAP! I'm thinking about it again...Ok, sing a hymn...'There is sunshine in my soul today'....sunshine, like on a beach...where I would love to see that butt in a bikini...AAHH! I'm going to hell!  That hymn just made me think of a hot girl in a bikini!...think about something else!...something not sexual...uuhhh...ducks...bunnies...Playboy bunnies...AHHH!"

How long do you think it will be before this kid can't take the pressure anymore and eventually just looks up some porn and masturbates? He will likely then be wrought with guilt, causing him to have even more anxiety the next time he sees a nice butt, and thus you see the start of a problematic pattern. (and lest you think that the answer to the problem is that the girl needs to not wear such obviously form fitting pants...that's NOT the answer. I didn't even say what she was wearing, maybe it was some baggy culottes, it doesn't matter, she isn't responsible for this...but that's a topic for a different blog post).

One part of the Joseph story that I never really heard about or perhaps didn't pay attention to is the fact that Potiphar's wife told him to "lie with her" (again, very subtle move on her part), over and over again over the space of at least "day after day." 

What?! Why didn't he freak out and run as soon as she tempted him in the first place?! I mean, he is really righteous right? Shouldn't he have totally just fled the scene? I think that perhaps there is something to be learned from Joseph's example here, and its not that he must have been gay. Perhaps Joseph knew something that I believe we really need to teach our children and solidly learn ourselves: 

I can feel sexual feelings and that isn't sinning. In fact, I'm created to feel those feelings. Also, I can feel sexual feelings and choose not to act on them, cause guess what? I'm not a dog. 

It's so important not to be scared of your own sexuality. Mostly because it would be like being scared of getting thirsty...its gonna happen. How messed up would we be if every time we got thirsty we deemed ourselves a failure of some kind or had a lot of anxiety thinking "I should have been over this whole 'needing water' thing by now!"  It just doesn't make sense and our bodies were created for it. 

This is the point at which, many people that I talk to look at me with dazed faces and say something to the effect of  "So I'm just supposed to have no guilt about my sexual thoughts or feelings? You don't want that to happen!" and I totally understand this feeling. When you are someone who has grown up taking very seriously the example of Joseph fleeing so fast that only his clothes remain just like a cartoon, you start to believe that your anxiety is the ONLY thing keeping you from being a total sexual glutton. When I make these suggestions you might start to think "If I totally got rid of guilt and anxiety about sexual feelings...I would just be sex-ing-it-up all over the place!" But that, my sexually frustrated friend, is totally false. 

While I don't work exclusively with gay LDS men, it does make up a large part of my practice outside of the hospital setting. And, what might surprise you is that therapy with this population is not all about repressing your sexuality so that you can marry a woman. In fact, most of the therapy we do is learning to become comfortable with your sexuality so you can make anxiety-free decisions about what you want to do with your life. Another one of those things that I say so frequently that I should probably just go ahead and cross-stitch it onto a pillow is "You need to become comfortable with yourself no matter what direction you want your life to take, because it is the same kind of thinking that makes for really unhappy/uptight mormons or super slutty gay guys." (Now I really want a pillow that says that...who can cross-stitch?). 

This idea of detaching anxiety from your sexuality is important whether or not you are a religiously driven person. People with anxiety attached to their sexuality generally act out on it in ways they later regret and live a life trying to find fleeting ways to be fulfilled in ways that only self-acceptance and understanding can do. 

So then what do I do with all this sexuality?! It's just gushing all over the place?! 

First...take a shower, a cold one. 

Second, I believe it is helpful to take a more mindful approach to sexual thoughts and feelings. 

Mindfulness is a therapeutic approach that has a lot of different applications and concepts, but one of the major ones is the idea that feelings serve a purpose and they are neither good or bad, they just are. Being in a state of mindfulness involves having a non-judgmental observance of your feelings. 

When I have a sexual feeling or thought...it's there. It's not going to help anyone, especially myself, to try to live my life pretending like it isn't there. And it certainly won't help to be scared of it because, like I have mentioned previously, it happens and is supposed to (remember how we don't flip out about feeling thirsty).  I am going to make my life a whole lot easier if I can learn to calmly acknowledge that the feelings or thoughts exist, accept them for what they are, and then make an informed choice about what I want to do with them (that special ability we have that makes us different than dogs). 

So if our anxiety-ridden kid in our example adopted this concept his thoughts might go a little bit like this: 

"Whoa, that lady has a nice butt. I've noticed before that butts are a turn-on for me. Interesting. Anyway, what was I doing?" 

I get that if you are someone with a history of anxiety about these kinds of things it is going to take awhile to get to that point of cool, calm observation...but that is the goal. No judgements about what an awful person I am for thinking that. No freaking out about trying to get rid of it as fast as I can. No compulsively and frantically trying to rid myself of evil. Just a calm acceptance of my feelings for what they are. I believe that in this way, we are actually following the admonition given by Mosiah in the Book of Mormon to "watch your thoughts," by actually watching them. I'm pretty sure he didn't say that you must "freak out and have a panic attack about your thoughts" but maybe I misread.

Think of thoughts or feelings like a bird flying in your ear into your brain. Too often when that thought is a sexual one, we attach an anvil of anxiety to its feet and all that does it make it freak out. It frantically flaps around making a mess and the only thing you can do to stop it is to let it freak out until it dies of fatigue or hold it down and suffocate it (neither one of those are a pretty picture). Instead, how about a calm observance of its presence ("oh, interesting, that bird is back") watch it sniff around and decide to leave cause its bored. You didn't feed it and invite it to stay, but you also didn't attach a thousand pounds of anxiety to it and give it no other choice. 

In short, cool your jets. True sexual morality comes when you can mindfully make a choice about what to do with your feelings, not when you scare yourself out of feeling anything in the first place.

Living in the G(r)ay: How to Support a Gay Loved One

Life…is complicated. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is lying to themselves, and to you, and you should maybe think about getting another life-advice giver. How do I know so emphatically that life is complicated? Three words: No-bake cookies (does that count as only two words with the hyphen?) Yes, those delicious devils can be whipped up in minutes and consumed in one sitting by me.

I love them.

I also happen to be the world’s best No-Bake Cookie Maker as well, so that only complicates the situation, because you see there is a problem. As much as I love no-bake cookies I have also learned from a certain blue monster that they are a “sometimes food.”

Damn that monster.

Who does he think he is? Coming around, growling in my face about how these mini-piles of chocolate, sugar, and oats are to be limited in some way?  That the joy that is felt bite after bite is somehow not good for me?! 

I know, I know, all of you healthy people out there are saying “cookies are fine! Just enjoy one and then there is nothing wrong with it!”

I don’t want just one. I want 8.

And therein lies the complication.

As you can probably imagine, over the years I have faced and dealt with a lot personal complications, (some even more confusing than my no-bake cookie conundrum!) and recent months have provided me with some special opportunities to become more and more acquainted with complication, and I’m really grateful for it.

Since I started this blog and since our Voice(s) of Hope video came out, I have had a lot of conversations with people in various stages of discomfort, confusion, and despair.  A good number of these conversations have been with members of the LDS Church who are trying to come to terms with their own sexuality. However, many of these conversations have been with families and friends of someone who has decided to leave the LDS church to pursue a gay relationship. These well-meaning family members and friends are scared and confused, and their feelings are real.

Now, for the black and white thinker, there are two options:

1.       Angry Gay Activist Response: “What kind of family are you that you even have to be confused about this?! He/She is happy!  Your church teaches you to hate! It’s not your place to judge so just let them live their life and stop being so bigoted!”

2.       Crazy Religious Zealot Response:  “Homosexuality is a sin that brings hell and damnation! Gays! Gays! Go Away! Don’t Come Again Another Day!”

Thankfully, I have honestly only had personal relationships with a few people in my life whose beliefs have fit strictly into either category above.  However, it is extremely unfortunate that those from either party tend to break-up any conversation about the issue, leaving people to retreat and feel pressured to join either side.

The LDS Church in recent years has made a lot of efforts at trying to provide an option that is somewhere in the middle with statements like:

The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman “neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.” On the contrary, many Church leaders have spoken clearly about the love and respect with which all people are to be treated.  –LDS.org

Or

The Church favors measures that define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. However, “protecting marriage between a man and a woman does not remove Church members’ Christian obligations of love, kindness and humanity toward all people.” –LDS.org

I believe that these statements are very true, but I also believe that they can feel quite vague to someone whose brother, sister, son, or daughter comes out of the closet and decides to pursue a life different from what had been planned since they were born.  Over and over again I talk to families who are very clear about their continued love for this family member, but feel confused on how that love is to be shown.

For anybody bothered as to why someone would be confused on how to show love for someone they have loved their whole life, consider this perspective:

Faithful members of the LDS Church have grown up their entire lives learning the importance of eternal families. It is one of the most closely and dearly held beliefs in the gospel.  The foundation of an eternal family begins with the marriage of a mother and father who are sealed together and to their children.  The Proclamation to the Family (modern day revelation given through a modern prophet) describes the divinity of gender and the sacred roles of mother and father.

So…If I FIRMLY BELIEVE this to be true, how is it at all loving for me to be “ok” and “supportive” of a child, brother or sister’s decisions that lead me to believe he/she will not be connected to us eternally? If I’m just ok with them being gay and leaving the church, aren’t I saying “I don’t really care about your eternal salvation…just do what feels good.”?

But also, I love this person so much and I truly want them to be happy!  I also TRULY value agency and each person’s ability and right to make their own decisions. I want someone to choose the happiness I feel living the teachings of the LDS Church, but I REALLY don’t want to be a part of MAKING someone live that life!

Sorting through all of these emotions and beliefs can get very confusing however, there are two things I feel are very important for a family member or friend to consider when coming to any conclusions about what steps to take in regards to their gay loved one:

1. It will never be wrong to show genuine love.

2. No one ever returned to a home where they didn't feel loved.

Let's discuss these two statements separately.

1. It will never be wrong to show genuine love.

Several months ago, I was following a Facebook discussion about some controversial article related to homosexuality and religion (there are so many of those these days, that it's hard to keep track which is which!) Amidst all of the heated statements from either side or angle of the argument, a friend of mine made a statement that I have not been able to forget since, and it has given me some guidance in my behavior since then. He said, "I try to avoid packaging my love with disapproval."

Is there a time to make it clear what you believe? To bear your testimony about the truths that you feel are important and essential? Yes. Of course.  Having values and living those values regardless of what anyone says or does is really the definition of integrity.  This is why I feel blessed to belong to a church that continues to make statements about what they believe, even if it is unpopular. I want them to do that, that is their job. And this is why I also feel like a gay married couple should stand up for their values and assert their position. I want people to have integrity...the world is a better place when it is full of people of integrity. So, yes...there is a time to stand up for your truth.

But there is also a time to show unconditional love. There is a time to set aside disagreements and just let a person know that you love them no matter what happens, and no matter what  beliefs or values would appear to stand between us.  Because at the end of the day, we are all children of God.  Mormon, Muslim, gay, straight, white, brown, religious zealot or crazy activist. All of us. There is a time for opinions to be set aside, discomfort to be swallowed, and hugs and love to be shown.

I believe that you will do yourself a great service by doing as my friend has suggested and not packaging these times together...and here's why:

If every time I tell my child I love him and there is always a following "but," what he will grow up hearing is "when you are performing how I would prefer that you perform... then and only then do I love you."  You can't imagine the number of individuals I have worked with that have had a lifetime of problems because they are certain that their worth is dependent on their performance.  Every time I tell a gay family member or friend that I love them but I disapprove of their choices, I'm reinforcing the belief that "you are only acceptable to me if you are doing what I feel you should do." You could never say that you disapprove again and your gay family member or friend would know where you stand. They would know because you continue to go to church each week, you pay your tithing, you sustain your prophet, or because they ask you. Often the unstated question is being asked "I know you disagree, but will you love me anyway?"  It  is my opinion that the "yes" to that question is shown by asking them about their dating life, attending their wedding, inviting them and their partner to family parties, hanging their family picture on your wall, etc.

Which leads me to the next point...

2. No one ever returned to a home where they didn't feel loved.

Every faithful LDS parent or family member of someone whom has gone astray longs for the day that said family member will return.  They pray that at some point in the future this family member will desire to return to the faith they knew as a child. This desire is sometimes frustrating to the gay family member because they feel this continues to make a statement of the "wrongness" of their life choices, but the most reasonable gay men and women I know are the ones who respect that desire because they know it is coming from a place of love (in much less emotionally charged terms...it's like my friends who really want me to love camping because they love it so much.  It's not irritating to me that they want that for me. I know they do because that is what makes them happy).  Some people aren't reasonable...we still love them.

I love the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). I love it so much not because it is a message of repentance. I love it because of the example of love shown by the father.  Don't you think the father knew that it was a bad idea for his son to just take his half of his inheritance and live it up for awhile? Do you think the father was thrilled when his son essentially said, "I know you're not dead yet, but can I just have the money now that I will get when you are dead?"  When the son finally came back and had wasted everything, the father welcomed him with open arms! It is interesting that the father showed all that love without even hearing why the son came back...his love was automatic. The son could have been coming home to ask for more money! The father didn't ask him why, he was just so happy to see him.

If parents, siblings or friends are to have any hope that their gay loved one will ever see things their way, they had better know that this won't happen because they were lectured to death, cut out of family activities, or distanced from.  The best option, as I see it, is to provide a home (referring to both a physical home with family as well as a home in the gospel of Christ) where they feel safe, loved, and accepted.

But what if they never return to the church?! What if they never change their minds about this whole gay thing?!  I would refer you back to point #1: It will never be wrong to show genuine love.

 Let go of needing  black and white resolution, and learn to be ok with gray.

My personal experience with homosexuality as well as the privilege I have to speak with people so frequently about their own has led me time and time again to this conclusion:

Life is complicated.

So much of life's answers are somewhere in the gray.

But that’s ok.

Life is also wonderful!

Positive (Christian Even!) Things I Got from Noah

It has been a really long time since I have posted anything on this blog, which is sad for me because I really enjoy writing for it…and if you happen to enjoy reading it, then…it’s sad for you too. I feel bad for us. 

I recognize the lameness of returning to writing to give a review of a movie, but it has been something that has been on my mind the last few days, and I think that there are lots of opinions flying about and I thought it would be interesting to add mine to the mix. I also felt like sharing my thoughts before the whole thing goes the way of “That Movie Which Shall Not Be Named” when people are just tired of hearing about it. If you are already tired of hearing about this movie…its cool…please come back for the next post :)

This weekend I went to see the movie Noah. After seeing the previews I was really excited to see it (which if you know me very well, you know that this is sort of unusual as I tend to make snap judgments about movies from previews and am stubborn about seeing them if I didn’t want to from the beginning). I really liked some of the actors in it and I thought it would be really interesting to see a high budget movie take a stab at a biblical story that, let’s face it, does not give a ton of detail, at least not enough that you could make into a movie strictly from the Bible information.

Knowing that the Bible story doesn’t have an entire scripts-worth of information on the topic, I went into the movie recognizing that they would be taking extreme poetic license and kind of just coming up with their own version of things, which I was ok with, because after-all it’s a movie, not Sunday School.  There were points while watching the movie that I thought “Whoa! This is a crazy take on things!” and if it had ended 20 minutes before it did, I would have maybe felt that it had a super-extreme environmentalist perspective and made God out to be kind of awful. Luckily, as with most movies, watching it to the end gave me a different view. (Best example of this, by the way, is the movie Waitress. If you stop 10 minutes before the end, you would think it was awful, but in the last 10 minutes everything gets made right…but I digress). 

There is a lot of opinion out there that the movie was horrible and ruined everything that is good about the Bible story. I don’t think that opinion is stupid, I just think that opinion went to the movie expecting Sunday School and were disappointed when it wasn't. There are complaints that it was really super dark. Well…you remember the story, right? The entire earth’s population is killed because they are wicked. They drown to death in a torrential rain. That’s dark my friend! I’ve heard frustrations that they refer to God as “The Creator” and not “God.” This seems odd to me because isn’t there a lot of scripture that refers to him as The Creator? Wouldn’t people, especially at the time of Noah, kind of see the Creation as the biggest and greatest miracle to have happened  on the planet at that point, why is “The Creator” demeaning at all? People all over the world call him different things, but it’s still God. 

Here are a few positive (Christian, even) lessons that I gleaned from the movie:

1. Extremes are Evil. I felt like the movie did a good job at portraying Tubal-cain (the leader of the wicked) as obviously bad. The character talks several times during the movie about how men decide their own destiny and that The Creator can basically kiss off if he thinks he is going to destroy us. This kind of “man is greater than God” thinking is portrayed as obviously crazy and bad.  In the movie, Noah slowly goes to a crazy extreme as well (the artistic license part that people really don’t like). He starts out doing the will of God, but gradually takes the idea to an extreme, assuming that God wanted ALL men destroyed and to be on the earth no more. He is convinced that he must kill off his family and that the animals will take over the earth because all men are pure evil. As Noah becomes more and more convinced of this being The Creator’s will, the movie has him appear more and more disheveled, distant, and...crazy. To me, this speaks to the varying extremes we have in the world today ranging from anti-religion to zealous actions in the name of God. To me, people who picket funerals with signs saying “God Hates Fags” is not any less evil than someone who demands that God doesn’t exist and that we shouldn’t teach our children about him. Extremes, on either end, are not Christ-like or good. Noah makes that pretty clear to me. 
2. The role of women in God’s work is imperative. Essentially, without the influence of the women in the movie, everything would be lost and no reasonable perspective could be attained. Noah was called by The Creator to build the ark and it required faith on his part to go through with such a “crazy” idea, but without the influence of his wife and daughter (adopted daughter to get technical) he would have missed the whole point. It was love, the love most able to be communicated and shown by the women in the movie that ultimately made the will of The Creator known and carried out. 
3. The Creation of the world was amazing! Sometimes when I think about the genius and creativity that went into creating the world, I am seriously overwhelmed. The movie, in a sequence in which Noah is telling his family about the creation of the world, it is very beautifully and amazingly displayed. I have read some critics’ feelings of horror that the movie may have been suggesting and promoting evolution as opposed to creationist views. To me it maybe suggested that The Creator (dare I say it?) may have used evolution as a tool to create...but it was still clearly his tool.   
4. With only the Old Testament to tell you about the nature of God, you don’t get the whole picture. This movie made me really grateful that I have more than just the Old Testament to let me know about the nature of God. Ever since I was little, stories from the Old Testament made me scared of God. I think that the interpretations of these stories were written by men who either didn’t fully understand the nature of God or just didn’t have the language to write about it and so it is important to get information from other places as well. To me, Noah talked like the Old Testament. His family talked like the New Testament or the Book of Mormon. Showing that God is a God of justice, but he is as equally a God of love and mercy. 

I have read lots of complaints that the movie is pushing an environmentalist agenda. To me...it kind of seems like the original story does that enough on its own. I mean, you are aware the most of the passengers on the ark were animals, right?  Last time I checked I think Heavenly Father wants us to be good stewards of the earth and to respect his creations, and I don’t that thats an evil message to send.  If you are concerned that it is in fact an evil message...I would refer you back to my feelings about extremes. 

Am I going to show this movie the next time I’m asked to teach a lesson about it in a primary class? No. I also wouldn’t show the Prince of Egypt to tell the story of Moses...because guess what...Moses’ wife may not have been super-sexy, and there for sure weren’t any whales in the Red Sea. Do I decide that the movie is trash because it doesn’t follow the story exactly how it’s written in the scriptures? No...it would be weird of me to assume that a Hollywood movie whose aim is to make money would stick with the simplicity of how it is written in the Bible. 

If you’re going to Noah for a Sunday school lesson about Noah...don’t go. But I feel like it is the same with anything else: You find what you are looking for. If you are looking to be offended by how off they are on the story...you will obviously find that. If you are looking for awesome effects and an intriguing story-line, you’ll find that too. I just wanted to throw out the option that if you are looking to get something positive from it...it’s possible to find that as well. :)